The Story: _5__ out of 5

Comments: List one thing you think the writer did well and AT LEAST one thing that needs improvement. Explain anything else that you noticed in giving your score.

Did good: captured my attention, and feel how she feels.

Need to improved: explain how or why her father got criminal records.

Narrative Elements: __5_ out of 5

Comments: List one thing you think the writer did well and AT LEAST one thing that needs improvement. Explain anything else that you noticed in giving your score.

Did well: explains very well how hard things were for her.

Need to improve:

Structure: _5__ out of 5

Comments: List one thing you think the writer did well and AT LEAST one thing that needs improvement. Explain anything else that you noticed in giving your score.

Did good: the time was good, how things were before, during, and after.

Draft - Essay #1

The time I told a lie, and wish I would told the truth

   When I was 19 years old, I was still living with my over-protected mother in a small apartment. I was studying in college, and working for the same institution as well. I met my friend Cynthia at work, and like me, she was studying there too. She was 21 years old, outgoing, and a talkative kind of person. We were very different, but became close friends.
   On a thursday, she came very excited to work, because an old friend of hers,was coming back after being many months abroad. And she was organizing a welcome back party at her house, and invited me. Cynthia wanted to introduce me her friend. She noticed that I was doubful for her idea. So, she told me that she hadn't seen her friend in few years, but that he was a very nice guy. Then I thought, great a blind date with a 'nice guy', so my answer was no. But Cynthia didn't give up, and murmured at me "he is a marine". That was all I needed to know, and she knew it, I ended up saying yes.
   Now my dilemma began. The party was going to take placed on the upcoming saturday night, and knowing my mother, she would never let me go. Especially, if she knew the real reason, which was to meet a guy, and not any guy, a marine. I dind't have much time left to think in a good excuse. That night on my way back home after work, I got an idea. I was going to tell my mother, that a teacher left a group assigment that was due on monday. Of course, my friend Cynthia was part of my group class, and we were going to meet at her house, because it was a big house, located in a centrical part of the city, very convinient for the rest of the group. Mother bought my story, great!
   Then my mind switched to something else, an every women concerned, what am I going to wear?. I really wanted to impress the marine. So, I opened my double door closet, and standed in front of it for a while staring at my cloth. Even though, my closet was overwhelm with stuff, I noticed that I dind't have anything to wear for saturday.
   After work on friday, I grabbed my credit card and went shopping, but not alone. Sadly for me, I had to go with my mother. She had this sick though, that a young woman like me, couldn't went to the mall alone. "you might get robbed, you never know", she said. Ok mother lets go, I told her. I thought that if I kept a good attitude with her, she would stayed off my back. I was wrong. As soon as, we get into the first store, she started, "haven't you bought cloth las week?, why do you need another pair of jeans?, don't you have many already?, that shirt has a very low neckline, don't you think?. For God sake, I was over stressed with her by my side. Somehow, I managed to buy all the things that I needed without arguing with her. I bought a very nice and very tide pair of jeans, a low neckline shirt, and a pair of black leather heels boots. I was ready.
   On saturday, I was in a exceptional good mood. I was going to meet a guy, a marine, my marine. I was giggling inside. I got myself ready, put on a jacket to cover my new shirt, so my mother wouldn't said anything. I took a cab to go my friend's house early in the afternoon. Cynthia's mother opened the door of the house and greeted me with a big smile. She was a very nice, liberal woman. I loved her. Cynthia lived in one of the niciest cities in the state. In a two stories house, with parking for two cars, and a nice backyard. I stepped into the living room, and saw about fifteen people already there. My friend approached to me, and told me that her friend hadn't arrived yet, but that he should be there anytime. So, Cynthia introduced me to her other friends. I was having a very nice time, and forgot about the marine for a while. After like three hours, he came, and Cynthia introduced me. I was nervous and shacking. The guy was tall, strong, and handsome. Then, my friend said: "Lissette, I want you to meet Carlos", and the guy next to this greek god, said hi. This adonis wasn't the marine, he was his brother. The marine was short, I think even shorter than me, not attractive, and may be a little strong. I sight inside, and said to myself: "I'm here already, let's give it a try". After two minutes I knew two things for sure, he was a jerk, and a snob. I tried to ignore him, but he was there talking to me. Half an hour later, I coulnd't help it any longer, I grabbed my stuff, and told Cynthia that I had to go, no further explanations. Then, Carlos asked me for my phone number, but I told him, that we didn't pay the phone bill, and got it disconnected. And if he wanted to asked me something, he can always give Cynthia the message.
   I got home early that night, and my mother was surprisingly already asleep. Thanks God, I wouldn't had to explain anything to her. I was mad because I lied. Not because I lied to my mother, I dind't care about that. But, I was mad with myself, for the time it took me to think on a lie to tell my mother, for all the stress prior meeting the so called marine, and for the money I spent on cloth I didn't really needed. Next time, I thought I had to ask more about the guys, or may be just not go on a blind date. And, if I was going to lie my mother, it would had to be for something good, and not to meet a twisted version of Popeye's.
  

Group Project 9/20: Lissette Ramos and Daniel Mckinnon

See	"A big magnolia tree shades most a the yard", watching lil rascals, "Mae Mobley point at the bluebirds getting ready for winter"
Hear	"Quit squirming Mae Mobley or I'll pinch you"
Smell
Taste	"You drink up to two glasses of grape juice", "Dog gooble up hamburger",
Feel	Sweat dripped down my chest...","the heat wave finally passes..", "I feel tears come into my eys...", "I'm cussing myself for taking her out there in the first place"

In class writing 9/20

Things that work:
It explains how the person felt during the ceremony.
Gives details on how was everybody at the church.

Things that did't work:
It didn't have a good begining.
Kind of dramatic.
Boring.

Homework 9/20 - Outline

I.
a. Many years ago, I had to lie my over-protected mother about where I was going. So, she will let me go.
b. I was working and studying at the same college, as well as, my friend Cynthia. Who wanted to introduce me to one of her friends.

II.
The event was on a saturday evening.
My mother would never let me go, if she knew the thruth. So I had to think on something.
My excuse was, that we had to work in a group assignment, due on monday morning.
My mother bought my excuse.
I fixed myself the best I could. My friend told me that his friend was a marine.

III.
Went to the party, met new people, everything was fine. Until I met the guy. He was shorter than me. He was a snob. He talked about how was to be a marine all the time.
I didn't mind to lie my mother, even though she was suspicious due to my actitud. But lie to meet a guy like that, was the worst. 

In class writing 09-18

Mae Mobley might say about her chilhood, that she was raised by a colored woman, who take good care of her. A woman who was always there, treating her kindly, and lovinly. She may also say, that she tried to get her mother's attention, but she was not interested in her daughter. That her mother was there to critized her. And that even though her father was married to her mother, she didn't see him much.

Homework # 2

Part 2

The author describes the relation between Skeeter and Mrs. Phelan - her mother - as tense, and not loving. One of the causes is due to Mrs. Phelan plan for Skeeter's life, which is to get marry. This situation makes Skeeter feel sad, disappointed, and frustated. Skeeter hasn't found the right man for her so far, but instead, she has reach a major goal, which is to finish a career, and become a professional woman; but her mother doesn't seems to care.

As a personal experience, when I was living with my mother, I was force to agree with her all the time. As I was getting older, I thought I could be able to speak up, and give my point of view. That was a big mistake, every time I said something that wasn't going according to my mother's thoughts, or believes, I had to listen to her arguments for hours. Then I noticed how I could never be able to say what I think. So, I decided to always say to her: "yes mom", "no mom", or "yes your are right".

In class writing

After reading the first few chapters of "The Help", I believe the author was right buy using a different way to express people thoughts, and the way they talk, depending on the character. Like in any other story, the author tries to get people involve into the story, get connected, and in a certain way live what she wrote. So, the book is written in a time where there were strong differences between whites, and coloured people, and one of those was the way they speak. Is that a stereotype? May be, but it is the way things were back then, and she did not change things to write the book, I think she tried to stick the closest to reality she could. And it actually get you involve, understand, and see the story the author wants you to.